"Bowling Philosophy"-June 2012

"Voice of the Voiceless"
A Paradigm into the State of Announcing Bowling and a Plea for Change
By Thomas Scherrer

On May 24th, ESPN and the PBA announced that veteran announcer Lon McEachern will be the play-by-play announcer for the upcoming PBA Summer Shootout series.  You know that series of shows, all tape-delayed, edited for space and time-you know, except for the The New Player of the Year  and his antics.  Let's move on before I toss the PBA members under 10 Fung Wah buses for this decision.  Anyway...if you are a fan of poker, you surely know McEachern and his co-host/sidekick/canned TV partner Norman Chad for their wonderful World Series of Poker shows.  Chad and McEachern have made poker a relevant, analytical, and profitable venture on top of the obscene entry fees and dream that a ten-deuce heads up will be the key to millions in riches for the Average Joe.  And quite frankly, the PBA and ESPN could not have found a more credible man for the job than McEachern.  After all, when you have an opportunity to place the master of the canned ESPN show back on television to to play-by-play on another show, hey, why the hell not?

McEachern replaces veteran announcer Gary Thorne, who did all the live major telecasts last year but has other obligations during the summer, like broadcasting for Mid-Atlantic Sports Network (MASN) and the Baltimore Orioles.  Thorne, most known for his work as arguably the greatest play-by-play man in the history of hockey on ESPN (with all due respect to The Artificial Lung, Doc Emerick), replaced Rob Stone, he of "Hambone" fame who went to do soccer.  Stone replaced Dave Ryan, he of "60 feet to success fame", whose forte is lacrosse.  Ryan replaced Ron Thulin, he of "a gnat's eyelash" and "goodness, have Mercy!" fame, who does college football on Versus now and pretty much tried to pipe in a Texas plug every telecast, like he knew that The Longhorn Network was going to happen.  Ron, seriously?  Trying to get in all comfy with the oil drillers down there, eh?  But I digress: Thulin replaced the well-respected Jim Kelly during the 2001-02 season when the PBA Tour had reinvented itself as a viable form of sports.  Kelly replaced Phil Ferguson, who replaced Mike Durbin, and so on and so on and so on...

If you are old enough to remember, back when bowling mattered more than it does now to the public, ABC aired on Saturday afternoons with Chris Schenkel and Nelson "Bo" Burton.  They were a fixture to television but to a generation of bowlers, they were something that bowling often has not been: reliable.  For those fans, they were an institution.  You knew every Saturday you would see those two and you know every Saturday, you were getting a first class performance.  (Yes, I know Schenkel did a myriad of other things for ABC, so he wasn't always there but you knew when he was...let's move on before some idiot blogger discredits this blog.)  I alluded to all the succeeding announcers, post-Schenkel and to the best of my recollection, the PBA since 1997 has had between 10-13 different announcers doing play-by-play in the last 15 years.  Schenkel and Burton were together for twenty-three full years!!!  Look at that consistent run and compare it with the "Law and Order"-style changes in the past 15...chances are your organization is in serious trouble when this happens.  When you average nearly 1 play-by-play announcer for year...good God!  Pat Quinn's line changes in the '94 Stanley Cup Finals were more fluid and logical than this mess both ESPN and the PBA have tossed on their declining fanbase (I really felt like taking a shot at Canuck fans, just for old time sakes and to wash my own sins clean on how much hockey should question what we've just witnessed these past few weeks-more on that story in another blog, I promise).

The truth is this: as professional and legit as men like Thorne and McEachern are, this will not help bowling progress to a higher level.  These are the classic Band-Aids on Tumor decisions that both sides make to just get by, hope something...anything sticks.  Like every sport, you need a voice to carry its stars.  Yes, bowling does have stars....young stars, as well as aging vets, Hall of Famers, and all-time legends still tossing the pebble and their story needs to be heard.  Football has Joe Buck, Jim Nantz, and Al Michaels; Baseball has Buck (but it should be Bob Costas, damn it all MLB: fix this injustice!!!); Hockey has Emerick; golf has Nantz and Dan Hicks; boxing has Lampley; basketball has Marv Albert (yes, I know Mike Breen does the Finals but let's be honest, he cannot carry Marv's toupee on his best day); bowling has...Mike J. Laneside?  Jason Thomas?  Does the casual fan even know what Laneside and Thomas look like?  And sadly, do they even care?

Allow me to do something I hate doing while writing but I'm doing it for anyone who cares about the direction of bowling and that would be being totally selfish.  For 3 years, I volunteered for a non-profit organization called Audio Journal, for which I was an on-air personality that broadcasted printed material on air to the deaf, disabled, or physically unable to read printed material.  I can work a board and hear my own voice and mostly, prep for an hour and a half show.  I also spent a year studying Broadcast Journalism in college at William Paterson University (you might one alum...Tommy Delutz Jr.).  I clearly like to write and have very little issue with taking unprovoked shots at bowlers such Bottle Rash, Chris Barnes, and Wes Malott but while defending the careers of Norm Duke and Pete Weber. I was one of the few people to publicly applaud Scott Norton's decision to come out.  I have tried my damnest to place Walter Ray in the proper context historically and will have everyone age 60 and older furrow brows at me when I say if you placed Don Carter in PBA 2012, he'd be a donator.  If that isn't enough for you, perhaps you can consider this: I've bowled for almost 20 years so I kinda know how this thing works.  And if are not sold on yet, perhaps I should share this with my readers, all 24 of you: I taped PBA telecasts in my high school days, as well as college.  I studied the shows, listened to commentary and tried to announce the telecasts myself.  Yes, pathetic for an adolescent, but still...if I couldn't play it, I would sure as hell love to talk about it.  So, if anyone knows the PBA and ESPN, consider this my resume: I am applying for the non-existent position of play-by-play announcer for the Professional Bowlers Association.  Of course, nobody will a) care or b) take interest in me tossing my hat in the ring, especially ESPN, who would rather keep firing out retread announcers like the NBA keeps hiring the Scott Skiles and Vinny Del Negros of the world.  Plus, ESPN is trying to invent 600 new ways this week to phrase the question concerning LeBron James' legacy and hoping that Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith (two classic examples of Tired Act Syndrome) actually blow up on live television discussing it.  

So, long story short, they won't be listening but at least I've said what I needed to say about the voices of the PBA and to the fans-the voiceless fans of bowling-I'm here to fight for what you believe in.


For those with a love and knowledge for the Sport of bowling...this IS Bowling Philosophy.  Namaste.