As I sat down and viewed the NCAA Baseball Super Regional between Florida State and Vanderbilt, I got flashbacks. No, no...not to a Vanderbilt athletic head coach butchering his team's chance at advancing toward a national championship, but a flashback to my youth as a kid and taking it further, my days bowling in high school and college. Seeing FSU clinch a birth to Omaha made me think of how so many of us are united by sports and how we are all linked primarily to team sports. The joy 18-22 year old young men (gosh, did I say young men like I'm 50? I'm only 26. Alas.) share as they win something together, celebrate, pile on top of one another, party later that night with one another, and even enjoy a keg stand or truck party together. Okay, I over-exaggerated the last few parts, but still...they are a team that won and are on their way to possibly winning a national championship. How in the hell does this all intertwine with bowling? Simple: it is what most of us have done that bowl. For the most part, bowling is a team sport consisting anywhere between 2 to 5 people, and for the most part, anyone that has bowled at any level has been a part of team bowling. Most of us will never taste the bright lights of Megabuck amateur tournaments or PBA tournaments individually speaking. We bowl to form a bond with friends over a common goal: knocking over more pins than other teams to win leagues and possibly, fatten up the wallet. Could you see PBA professionals doing that over the course of 6 months? Of course not, it is why they are pros, the purists would scream.
Oh, how fickle our memories are. Back in 1960, the ill-fated National Bowling League was formed, trying to run alongside the fledgling PBA Tour. Both organizations were vastly different-team vs. singles, intercity matches vs. city to city, home and away matches vs. bowling centers across the country, and most importantly no TV deal vs. TV deal. That pesky television deal ended up killing the NBL after only a few seasons, folding after the 1962 campaign, while the PBA has continued to plow/thrive/tread/struggle/suffer/revive/struggle again/suffer again along. In recent years, pros and team bowling have come back with the PBA Geico Team Shootouts. The All-Star events feature teams of 6 bowlers bowling on specially constructed lanes
outdoors in Baker matches, showcasing their physical, mental, and team abilities. It is a touch of nostalgia mixed with a touch of the unique. As I closely observe the team events the last few years, I often wonder inside my own head very often
Man, could this happen for real on the PBA Tour? Ask no more bowling fans...this is why I'm here.
It most certainly could work. But how and in what way could it work? Let's take some very important factors into consideration. First of all, a "team" PBA Tour would mean that the very basis of Eddie Elias' dream of individuals bowling against each other would be dead and buried with a tombstone resting above its grave. Secondly, it would present a total reconstruction of players that for so long have been genetically wired to beat the holy hell out of each other to get along. Could you believe that? Imagine Pete Weber having to team with Walter Ray for a world championship? Imagine Nome Duke having to watch Chris Barnes come up short late in a match with a win on the line? Imagine Tom Baker and Amleto Monacelli (noted fitness freaks) trying to get Mike DeVaney's round shape to the gym for some cardio? Imagine
anyone dealing with Patrick Allen for a whole year or years??? Third and finally, how can you possibly make the teams fair? Ultimately, would you want to make the teams even and fair?
While sports organizations strive for some form of athletic socialism to create parity, there has to be some dominant teams to create true rivalries in team bowling. Geographically speaking, you could reenact something comparable to the NBL team franchises and have the player most closely associated with said region. The old NBL had 10 teams (Dallas, Fort Worth, Fresno, LA, and San Antonio in the West; Detroit, Kansas City, New York, Omaha, and Twin Cities in the East), so it is not conceivable to have a super-duper star bowl on each team that fits their hometown or birthplace. Detroit could have Mika Koviuneimi or Bill O'Neill, Kansas City would have Weber, New York could have Allen or Mike Fagan, Omaha would have Sean Rash, Dallas can take Barnes, Fort Worth takes Wes Malott, San Antonio takes Duke (native Texan), Fresno takes Walter Ray (native Californian), and LA could take Rhino Page (ditto), and the Twin Cities could adopt some star without a town to their name (Mike Scroggins could go being that all the Texas cities are taken, Parker Bohn could go because he's an ambassador: he could promote bowling in the Arctic, Tommy Jones could go because well...they like their SEC football and their NASCAR and that makes them happy. Perhaps Jason Belmonte, but let's be honest, you are not sticking only the sport's most marketable star in the cold of Minneapolis. You think David Stern would let that happen to LeBron James or Kobe Bryant...? Hell No!) They could take...eh, um...OK, no offense but team bowling in Minnesota? We cannot resurrect Dick Weber sadly so we might have to relocate the TC to say, Ohio? Now we can work with this and say Robert Smith, Chris Loschetter, or Brian Kretzer can be their marquee star. It does work...sorta.
Perhaps, this solution works best. Suppose that PBA Commish Fred Schreyer and Deputy Commish Tom Clark said that starting in the 2011-12 season, the PBA Tour was going to a team season in a last ditch effort to save the ranks of professional bowling. There would be 12 teams of 7 bowlers, for a total of 84 bowlers. We will spread out the cities to make more sense to attract the major bowling cities of America, with 6 teams in each conference. The East would have New York, Chicago, Buffalo (an absolute no doubter), Orlando, Indianapolis, and Dayton. The West would have Detroit, Wichita, Dallas, Seattle, Vegas or Reno, and Los Angeles or San Diego. The teams would be formed first by a simple distribution of the top 60 players in the PBA Points List, which for all we know, means something. Right?? I mean we should use it because the tour uses it for precisely NOTHING except handing out an award. The remaining 24 players would come from the first ever collegiate draft, getting young players fresh out of college that have just come off of 4 years of team experience. You like this so far, right?
For the remaining 60 players, it would go 1, 13, 25, 37, and 49 for team 1, 2, 14, 26, 38, and 50 for team 2 and so on; the first team selection for the dispersal draft would be a lottery, with that team getting the 12th and 24th pick in the collegiate draft, the second team selected would get the 11th and 23rd and so on going up. Makes perfect sense to give the lower selected teams higher draft picks to help balance out the teams. So without further ado, I give you your twelve teams via dispersal draft:
Team 1: Walter Ray (1), Fagan (13), Eugene McCune (25), Mike Wolfe (37), and Anthony LaCaze (49).
Team 2: O'Neill (2), Couch (14), Andres Gomez (26), Robert Smith (38), and Tim Mack (50).
Team 3: Scroggins (3), Ryan Ciminelli (15), Stevie Weber (27), Lonnie Waliczek (39), and Dino Castillo (51).
Team 4: Barnes (4), Ryan Shafer (16), Ronnie Russell (28), Richie Allen (40), and Troy Wollenbecker (52).
Team 5: Malott (5), Loschetter (17), Steve Jaros (29), Stu Williams (41), and Derek Sapp (53).
Team 6: Belmonte (6), PA (18), Michael Haugen Jr. (30), Dave D'Entremont (42), and John May (54).
Team 7: Tommy Jones (7), DeVaney (19), Steve Harman (31), Nathan Bohr (43), and Jason Sterner (55).
Team 8: Weber (8), Mika (20), Jeff Carter (32), Todd Book (44), and Brian Walizcek (56).
Team 9: Page (9), Kretzer (21), Bohn (33), Doug Kent (45), and Amleto (57).
Team 10: Smallwood (10), Duke (22), Mike Edwards (34), Wayne Garber (46), and Cassidy Schaub (58).
Team 11: Rash (11), Machuga (23), Joe Ciccone (35), PJ Haggerty (47), and Osku (59).
Team 12: Jack Jurek (12), Brad Angelo (24), Voss (36), Mitch Beasley (48), and George Lambert (60).
A few facts from these 12 make believe teams:
Every team has at least one major champion and 5 have at least two major champions. Every team has a great international/megabucks/amateur stud. Every team has at least one former collegiate star with the exception of the Belmo team. There is a Player of the Year on 8 teams, and multiple POY's on two teams. Ironically, the Page team has 3 POY's and they are statistically, the 3 lower ranked players. Hall of Famers (current of potentially) on 10 of the 12 teams. We still need time to for Scroggins or Rash to build their career resumes to give them lock-it-up HOF status. Roll all this together and you have yourself 12 really solid teams with young collegiate players looking to get reps and shots and most importantly, keeping the sport of bowling a young man's sport. You have an unquestionable Alpha Dog on each team that everyone will look for to deliver in the clutch and in some cases, dangerous chemistry issues between rival stars that all fans love to see no matter how they say they don't. You're not telling me you'd tune in to see Belmo and PA bitch about who bowls anchor in a huge Baker match? How Belmo could curse out PA in front of people and how everyone would still love Belmo's accent? How about who got the 10th frame shots with Rhino and PB3 if the left was playing well, especially when you consider Page's past with him being a prima donna while bowling for Kansas? What about the look on Richie Allen's face when Barnes gags late in another match, while Allen is absolutely fearless late in games? You wouldn't pay to see Allen go gangsta on Barnes' in the paddock area? Ok, ok...I'm not for condoning violence as a selling vehicle in any sport but let's look closer at these teams.
Best team (on paper): Team Page. Three Hall of Famers and multiple major champions on the other side of their career teaming with the game's best left hander.
Best team (talent wise): Team Rash. Nothing but versatile studs all over this team.
Best team (team concept): Team Malott. Any team with Derek Sapp on it has a great chance to win tournaments. Look at his college career again and you tell me how that team, coupled with Malott's talent could lose a tight match.
Worst team: none. They are all solid. We struck with parity.
Injury team: Team Smallwood. Any team with Duke is ready for Duke playing 55 games out of an 80 game schedule. Plus, the unorthodox games of Schaub and Smallwood, along with Wayne Garber's knees being made out of pages 322 and 323 of The Grapes of Wrath and you have some worries. Thankfully, Edwards is still a solid player in his late 40's due to his great fitness, he could rub off on his good buddy, the Duker.
Healthiest team: Team Barnes. No way he letting anyone slack off the lanes. Slightly ahead of Jurek's team. Closer than the experts think.
Best Chemistry: Team O'Neill. I can just see Couch and Mack taking Andres Gomez out to a bar and telling everyone he's the batboy for their beer league softball team. Even better, seeing Maximum Bob and Billy O doing chest bumps or keg stands or both at the same time. Have a camera with this team.
Funniest team: Team Walter Ray. Fagan and Wolfe are hands down comic relief. LaCaze could also bring down the house with his sarcasm. Might be countered by Walter Ray's moodiness. Might help him deal with humorous guys as well. Lots of possibilities.
Smartest Team (off the lanes): Team Walter Ray. The man's got a damn Physics degree. End of conversation. Fagan is an economics guy. He could double as the team's agent. Literally...I could see Fagan adopting Scott Boras' Lee Press-On Hair and his grave voice and then demanding the owners of the PBA to give players outrageous sums of money despite not doing anything except put up great regular season numbers. He might even convince LaCaze to sit out in his walk year due to some cracked ribs a la Jaboby Ellsbury to protect his stats.
(Waiting....)
KIDDING RED SOX FANS...sorta.
Smartest Team (on the lanes): Team Barnes. Along with Shafer, excellent in game tacticians. Don't be shocked to see these two talking to each other every 30 seconds. Make a great lead-off/anchor combo.
Best Lead-off/Anchor Combo (the Peloquin-Earnest Award): Team O'Neill. Timmy Mack steps up after Billy O rips the rack, follows it up with that sky high backswing, evaporates the pins and his teammates are ready to make his hands bleed as he comes off the approach. Goosebumps to see that one time.
Most Exciting Team to watch: Team Rash slightly over Team O'Neill. Rash, Choogs, and Osku all lofting the left cap, while Haggerty and Ciccone (great outside players) piping the rail? You'd appreciate watching that take place. Plus Osku literally lofting it 20 feet on the fly.
Most Exciting Match: Team Rash vs. Team O'Neill. Power all over the damn building, strikes all over the place. Guys trying to out hook the other. If i were sane, I'd be giddy with laughter over this matchup, especially on dry lanes.
Least Exciting Team to watch: Team Jones or Team Malott. Nothing to do with them but their teammates strike me as being...vanilla. No time for vanilla bowling.
Match You'd Pay to See: Team Walter Ray vs. Team Weber. Finally, Weber could crotch chop DeadEye back to the horseshoe pit without looking like a total ass.
Most Dangerous Team: Team Belmo. When motivated and healthy, PA could really give this team a look of "Oh, s*it!" when they got rolling. Plus, you know Double D and Mr. Lucky (May) are out to prove they one still has the game and other does have the game to be world class.
Other Most Dangerous Team: Team Smallwood...or Team Duke. Let's be fair for a moment: a
healthy and confident Norm Duke can still leave a trail of PBA carcasses behind him. A healthy Duke has his own team and he's the Alpha Dog of this PBA League. No questions asked. Same goes for a mechanically sound Tommy Jones.
Most Explosive Team: Team Scroggins. Scroggs + Cim + playable left side of the lane=trouble.
Best Anchor Bowler: Voss. Even at 53, I'd still want Voss over every other player to get a clutch double. This includes Malott, Barnes, Duke, Jones, and Walter Ray. Voss doubles as Guy Who You Don't Wanna See in a Big Spot.
Guy You Do Wanna See in a Big Spot: Barnes. I really hate to do this but you know that would be a major discussion amongst players. One game Baker match, World Championship in Arlington, you really want Christopher Barnes making those anchor shots for you? I'd rather have Shafer up there, despite what logical wisdom tells me. Of Shafer's 4 wins, 3 of them he needed to strike in the 10th to win them. Barnes was one of those victims.
Best Bowler: O'Neill. He's your Number 1 overall pick if you were blowing this whole thing up. Late 20's, best young player on the planet, US Open champion. Most consistent player the last two years. Good for the next 10-12 years. No doubter.
Now that you are fully exhausted from reading all this, you say that this can't work for an entire season, I always have a Plan B (like we all should when we are bowling). The other option would be week before the prestigious (well...formerly prestigious) Tournament of Champions, have a team event with the top 84 ranked bowlers in the PBA Points List (12 teams times 7 bowlers each: same concept, sans college draft). Imagine the odd and near apocalyptic scenarios that could arise if you were to do that. Non-winners winning a team event to get a pass to the TOC, guys on the TOC bubble getting bounced off the list because one team had 4 non winners. Imagine
that type of pressure: Barnes having to strike to get Troy Wollenbecker into the TOC and not closing the deal. Wollenbecker might have to call some of his buddies down in South Beach to "set Barnes straight". (Note: now that the TOC allows National, Regional, and Senior winners to beeligible for the TOC, it makes this idea less credible. You are better off with a team season, plus I don't want to waste a few thousand words on what I think could be a great idea. You're right...let's just move on before I throw something at Seattle). I think the team concept would work for this. However, I'm sure that is what the National Bowling League thought as well too...the truth is, we might know soon enough if really was ill-fated or long foreshadowing.
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