"Bowling Blind"-The Exteme Swing

PBA Tour
GEICO Plastic Ball Championship

In some strange and warped parallel universe, Tom Clark and I must have been separated at birth from the head. In his recent profession as an editorial writer for USA Today, Mr. Clark bemoaned what technology has done to the sport of bowling by stating that "The bowling balls of today are the steroids of our sport". In a time where we (those that supposedly write about relevant material) elect to put certain legends on pedestals for a majority of their career and then upon suspicion of cheating in any manner, destroy them as if we are the keepers of the moral conscience of sports. To any sports writer whom elects to do this is just as shallow as a conspirator of the game as the athlete who dares to "stay ahead of the game" by using performance-enhancing drugs and then deny fact. Why deny fact, you say, instead of coming clean? The answer is evident in the athlete's usage of said PED's: it is either kill or be killed...go back home to the farm, they city, the plant, or whatever trade or profession who were born into by family. Any admission to cheating is subject to the wrath of us, the media, or as the legendary Ted Williams would call writers, "The Knights of the Keyboard".


So why don't we just erase this entire generation of bowlers from the recent PBA's 50 All-Time Greatest Bowlers? One could surely argue that technology has enabled the career paths for Fab 50 bowlers such as Jason Couch, Patrick Allen, Chris Barnes, and Tommy Jones as players who have bowled exclusively in this era of modern technological advances. They are all lock down, case closed Hall of Fame bowlers but they bowled in a generation where bowling balls have been made en masse, layouts can be made to cater to a lane condition, surfaces altered, weight blocks manipulated, and any other means of gaining an advantage. Of course it would be dumb and idiotic to deny these 4 players their just due as the best 4 bowlers of this era (post 1997) by saying that because they have gone up against the game's previous legends and future stars.


What about saying that technology has helped further the career of legends like Parker Bohn III and Walter Ray Williams, Jr. who appeared to have fallen behind the curve on technology then suddenly find themselves to retain their Hall of Fame careers? Of course, no one would ever say such a thing but lets look logically for a few moments at this. Bohn and Williams throughout the 90's were the two most consistent players on Planet Earth making show after show and winning titles left and right and then both went through struggles post 2000, with Dead Eye making the transition smoother than Bohn did:


Bohn in the 90's (1990-1999):
-66 TV appearances
-20 Titles
-$1,477,067 in earnings


Williams in the 90's:
-86 TV appearances
-25 Titles
-$1,689,969 in earnings


Bohn's down years came from 2002-2004 where he failed to win for 52 events and while players such as Couch, Allen, and Barnes had made strides and won titles and became tour stars. As for Williams, he hit two small skids in his career in early 2000 and 2003 where he basically looked as if he was finally slowing down but then he made big charges to make shows and win titles and make poor seasons your good ol' WRW season.


Naturally we aren't going to rip them for using the modern missiles of bowling balls to stay competitive. Both have won this season, both are still top 15-20 players at their age and are still marketable stars. They are also favorites for this week's most anticipated and perhaps most controversial tournament in its 50 year history with the So Easy a Caveman Could do It Plastic Ball Championship.

Ladies and Gentlemen...Tom Clark has cleaned up the game! Let's have him go after Donald Fehr and Gene Orza...




The formula is simple: All players in the main 64 player draw are to be given two identical plastic balls with the 50th Anniversary logo on each ball. Once the players have the balls, they can drill and alter surface in the way they see fit then bowl 14 games of qualifying and then the PBA brings back the single elimination best of 7 match play to determine the final 4 bowlers on the show. The PTQ will be contested with modern equipment and the standard amount of bowlers and the high amateur will get into the main draw. As of this blog, the PTQ ended and so far, the PBA has struck gold on its lineup for this week. For this tournament to be effective, the PBA needed to have a few names involved that weren't there in the main draw and they pulled an inside straight with this:


1) Brian Voss: He needed to be involved in this tournament. As one of the main proponents of limiting technology and basing your game on skill, dexterity, and mental fortitude, Voss deserved this honor of getting the vaunted Commissioner's Exemption. As a Hall of Famer, a 50 Greatest and a man who won his last 4 PBA tournaments using exactly one ball for each tournament, Voss needed to be here.


2) John Nolen: Last week's USBC Masters champion was given an additional Commish exemption and why not give him one? He is a future star in this sport, with a game that if you look closely enough starts to remind you a guy name Husted, comma, David. The last two tournaments he has bowled in were both open tournaments on demanding conditions and he went 8th and 1st. To say that he needed to find a way in the main draw was saying that Lindsay Lohan needs a milkshake (anyone who recently saw her in today's New York Post and knows her has to direct her to the nearest porterhouse steak...PRONTO!!!).


3) Jason Belmonte: The two-handed Aussie worked his way through the PTQ to just barely make it in (how they didn't wall the PTQ for Belmo just so that he can get in safely is stunning...but I digress) and enter the Round of 64. For those that have seen Belmonte's remarkable physical skills, it will be interesting to see if using only plastic balls will either make him a major favorite or a major disappointment this week.





Fans hope to see Belmonte exercise his unique two-handed style with
nothing but a pancake weighted bowling ball.


4) Mike Keily: Another PTQ advancer from Lakewood, Colorado and one of the local favorites. There has always been this inward feeling amongst local bowlers that if a top pro came by and you limited what he could use for bowling balls and bowled straight up action games, the local guy would have the distinct advantage knowing the house characteristics. Keily is in the Round of 64 and here is the local star's dream of running down the elite pros on about as fair a playing field as you are ever gunna get so he becomes an instant personal favorite of mine. Added to that is his sister, Mandy is a good friend of Ms. Peloquin, as they were teammates and close friends on Vanderbilt's first national championship bowling team so I got some personal bias toward him.




OK, so we got the elements out of the way as well as some individual stories of some players...now the real question is for this momentous event, who will be able to survive bowling's version of the IROC racing and win the Plastic Championship? First, here are some players that I feel will not be successful this week:


Wes Malott: I am going to be about as generous as I can about Malott here for a moment in that he's remarkably talented and should be a factor in every tournament he bowls in. Then Wes opens his mouth...


"I'm not a huge fan of it (the format), to be honest," said Wes Malott, 32, who leads the PBA standings but won't compete in Wheat Ridge. "They're taking away the technology the sport has embraced. Nobody's asking Tiger Woods to use a wood driver or Roger Federer to use a wood racket. It's not how you control the advancements in our sport."


Note to Wes: if you elect to show that kind of dismissal toward one of the tour's most anticipated events and then choose not to bowl in it because you do not think it embraces the technology of the sport, then you have thoroughly missed the point of the tournament as explained by Clark:


"We want to turn back the ball technology; we want to illuminate how the technology works — by removing it. We want to create an environment that's unique, that asks bowlers to prove their skill."

There are reasons why I have not supported guys such as Malott and Williams in the past years for their utter dismissal of certain things the PBA is trying to explore and trying to attract viewers that...DUH...might want to pay to see them bowl. Chances are that Tom Clark is going to be the most influential figure in the sport for the next 20 years and anyone that is bowling and fails to embrace change of a unique kind should probably go back home and choose another profession.

Tommy Jones: He might either have a great week or a bad week. Chances are is that he won't this week because Jones has admittedly struggled with his game this season. He has been too steep in his swing which has caused him to try and alter his physical gifts and when the technology isn't there to help him create area and pin carry, he might suffer from it. I kinda hope I'm wrong with this one but I have to observe carefully.

Mike Scroggins: Time not to beat the dead horse (copyrighted by yesterday's blog), but the lefty-righty question begs some transference in this event. There are some major issues creeping up that the right handers using only plastic balls will carry the oil down so much that it will create unusual transition for the players. As for the lefties, the backends will stay fresher and play easier to get to the pocket and, ostensibly their scores will be better. Naturally, this would encourage you to think that Scroggs and his party will get a chance to bowl on Sunday. However, Scroggins needs to create area and hold for himself to be an effective player and chances are, he will not have any this week. He will need to hook the ball far more this week to increase his carry and for Scroggins, that could mean a short week.

Chris Barnes (Norry): Naturally, the president of the IHL league (I Hate Lefties for long) will be more or less whining about that previous fact that the left will play that way will cause Barnes to register a 25 on the Fry Out meter and forget that he is actually the most talented player in this field and should make the TV show Sunday.

As for the bowlers who will make a good showing this week, there needs to be a few elements that a bowler must have:

1) Experience: Anyone that bowled in the 80's when these balls were in vogue and lane conditions went through some strange carrydown and low scoring, you will need someone who has seen these things before.

2) Accuracy: Threading a needle this week will at the very least, help players identify who is throwing it the cleanest and who has their game in sync with the plastic balls.

3) Power: Of the firmness and directional sense and not of the revolution sense. If you can play direct and maintain carry without lack of deflection, then you have a shot at this title.

4) Do not look at the pattern: The Cheetah pattern is the pattern being laid out for the week and usually it dictates an outside line with good ball speed. The only problem is that you do not want to overthrow plastic balls because they will never grab the lane. This might be a crazy observation but you might see players utilizing the deep inside line moreso this week to maximize carry as the outside part of the lane might get too swirly. Caution: too much belly through the front from in is not likely to work. Look for the fallback shot from in to be a possible winning combination.

Take those into account and here are a few guys that might win in my eyes:
Tommy Delutz Jr.: Few guys in the sport of professional bowling play the deep inside line as good as the former Willy P Pioneer can and in a week where Delutz might get to use that to his advantage, expect him to get deep into this tournament and break that long drought of losing.

Jason Couch: Lefty+revs+playing in=instant favorite. As long as Couch can read the way the lanes are playing and get a good draw in match play, he will be in good shape.

Mika Koivuneimi: A pertinent follower of the perverse lane condition and limited technology in his overseas career plus his incredible mental game can make him a front line favorite to win.

Chris Barnes (again): How can he be both a favorite and not a factor? Because he is Chris Barnes, damnit. He should be able to get to the finals easily when you think about it. He has got every conceivable advantage and skill to be a factor in this tournament. You just hope that Barnes realizes that and can ignore the left-right factor.

Who will actually win? It is hard to say and easy to say really. It's easy to choose a top star like Williams or Pete Weber or Norm Duke because they are who they are because of all their great skills and mental ability. Williams, for one should embrace this challenge to truly cement his greatness as a player to fans who don't truly see him in that light. We all know Weber has got the game's most pure release in the sport. We all know Duke has the best touch in the world. So why have this conversation? Because it is worth seeing if someone can rise up from the ashes to show us something we did not think was possibly from him. It would be even easier to choose a top lefty like Bohn or Patrick Allen because of the left side of the lane playing cleaner downlane, however I am not going there either.

The winner of this tournament can't really be easily picked out because this favorite of mine has not really been healthy enough for me to get behind him but if there is anyone who can handle this change in technology would be the man who truly re-established the power game and sent it to another level and that is Mr. Robert Smith. How on earth can this man not be the heavy favorite for this first ever plastic ball championship? The pattern is one of his strengths (Cheetah), he has plenty of ball speed and revs to keep his A game reasonably close, and lets face it-is there a more fun show on TV than watching Maximum Bob doing something only imaginable by common folk with a 10 pound ball? If his hip and back are feeling good and he has a good enough look on the lanes, he can certainly win this thing.

One more thing about Smith: he has been teetering on the verge of having to retire because of these lingering injuries and it would be a tremendous loss for bowling fans not to see Smith bowl in the coming years. Perhaps a win here would give fans one more glimpse into what might have been for a guy who has suffered through some plain bad luck in his career. It's time to see Smith back on his game.